“My alone feels good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude” - Warsan Shire
Are you single in your 30s? Or maybe 40s+? Do you feel a lot of judgement from yourself or others? That’s because we only focus on the negatives of being single. BUT we never talk about the many advantages of being a single woman.
Okay, so it is nice to have a partner to cuddle up with or share some of life’s responsibilities. But let’s be honest with each other here; many relationships are secretly miserable or unhealthy. I’m not saying all relationships. Just a lot.
Being single has a lot of benefits, and no one ever talks about them because we are told that we should be lonely, sad, desperately searching for The One. But if you are reading this, I’m guessing that you are single or considering being single, so let me share the upside of single life.
Being single means that I don’t have to negotiate my time with someone else. That means I can get to the gym when I want. I can read, go to yoga classes and whatever else my little desires without having to check in with anyone else.
I don’t want to watch sports or action movies. I definitely have no interest in movies with a solid toxic masculinity undertone or sexualises women. Not for me.
Being single means that I can watch whatever I want when I want, where I want. I love watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race when I’m in the bath, and no one can butt in and mess with my me time.
I’m all for music, not so bothered with TV, if I’m honest. I love having my music playing in the house all the time. I don’t have to find something that myself and my partner would find mutually acceptable.
People in relationships have less time for friends. That’s just a fact. But us single women have more time to put into our high-quality friendships. It’s easier for us to organise dinners, coffees or lunches because we don’t have time commitments to a partner.
I love working on myself and up-levelling my mindset. And that’s pretty common for single women. We have more time to dive into ourselves and develop into who we really are and what we want in life. And we don’t follow anyone else’s rulebook.
Routines are everything in my life. And because I don’t share a home with someone, I have my own morning routine that I love, my evening routine, a pre-sleep routine. And it’s not like these routines are rigid. But I do like the amount of self-care I have in my routine, and having a partner will likely mess with that.
I love to cook, and I love to cook a range of different foods. I don’t like having to change my eating habits to accommodate someone else’s lack of taste. That’s just not for me.
As a single woman, you need to have a range of life skills that people in relationships tend not to develop. So I am very good at bleeding a boiler, building furniture and general problem solving around the home. And I feel like a total badass.
You’ve chosen you over choosing to settle. You know your worth, you know what you are worthy of and what you deserve, and you’re unwilling to settle for less. That’s massive.
I love sex; it’s massively important to our health. As a single person, it’s nice to be the boss of our own sex life. If you want more sex, you can go out there and get it. And you can control what kind of sex you want. You also have so many other toys if you want to look after yourself. Most relationships end up in a mundane sex routine while you’re out there flying your freak flag.
Because you are not desperately searching for love or a relationship, you have a cool air of non-attachment. And that is so sexy. Focusing on yourself and what makes you happy turns you into a magnet for good things and people on your own wavelength. So if you are open to meeting someone, you’ll likely meet someone that is right up your alley and not just some human you’re settling for.
Focusing on the downside of single life only brings more of the negatives into your life. Focusing on what you love about your single life will get more of what you love.
- Helen Stevens